I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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