actually, I'm a sock model
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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