Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
