Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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