I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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