This is not my ceiling
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
