The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
