Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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