Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
