well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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