C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
