I think im going to throw up on grandma
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
