My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize