yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
