I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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