Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
