i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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