it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
