I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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