She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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