Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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