The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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