You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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