please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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