Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
