Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize