His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
