Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
