toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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