i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
