i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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