I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
