after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
