just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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