i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
