i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
