its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
