"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
