i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
