i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize