plz talk dirty to me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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