I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
