i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
