Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
