I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
