its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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