I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize