Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
