Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
