Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
