I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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