Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
