aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
