Don't you send me to vm
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
