Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
