2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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