so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
