Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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