So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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