I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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