I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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