its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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