have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
