I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
smell my finger.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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