Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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