I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
