you guys were way drunker than both of me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
