he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
